not every ending ends with goodbye.

* back-dated entry

coz for us (from boyz to men to brothers), each ending usually ends with ‘see u again soon’. and that’s what we always hold on to. and after being parted for the past 6 months trying to start our new life, we decided to meet again. this time around, the reunion, for me, was indeed a special one. it’s more of celebrating our relationship that has been going on since the first day we registered ourselves in the college. then, it started to build up to something more special that just coursemates, housemates or roomates. we are proud to say that we are friends and brothers despite the fact that we are from different background; family, race and religion.

throughout the college years, we have stood to each other no matter what. it’s undeniable that there were times when we were not in snych with each other. we had differences. but we managed to bridge those differences and accepted them. that what makes us bonded really well. altho we have different characters, but we are very open minded. everything else, doesnt matter anymore.

so here I would like to share some photos during our reunion at the Italiannies at the garden. A very nice restaurant for fine dining. It was a great dinner. Unfortunately I was really ill that nite and wasnt able to stay for long. Im sure some of u might have seen the photos i uploaded on Facebook, or might have seen it at Jarod’s blog, but to those who havent, here you are…

“two”?? haha it supposed to be From Boys to Men to Brothers Reunion. LOL

the brothers. well, some of us.

 

the ones who showed up. too bad not all were able to attend.

this charming guy drove all the way from JB for the dinner. auwww

US. haha sorry i ruined the picture. i wasnt smiling at all… Tioman next!

 

iman tak dapat diwarisi…

Lately, everything seems to depress me. I dont know why, but it seems like im lost in my own mind. perhaps i am thinking too much about negative things that happened around me lately. Im a bit of a thinker. I cant help myself to think, even over small things. I know, it’s bad too dwell into those negative things, but i just cant help it.. as a result, im really really depressed. haha an when im depressed, i think of my family. but we are ocean apart, and im homesick! it makes me cry like a baby.. oh darn it! hehe

neway, my parents flew off to mecca to perform their umrah yesterday. im happy for them coz they have been longing to go there for a very long time now. but, im pretty sad coz i couldnt send them off. all my family members were there at the airport, but me. what more can be so frustating than that..? and im stuck here in this kampung with no mobile coverage. sux big time. lucky the internet is ok now. and i could get to know my parents’ being chatting with my sis. *frustated* *demotivated* *homesick*. despite all these negative feelings, im hoping that they will do just fine over there and will perform their umrah perfectly.

i knew that it’s gonna be hard for me to call them once i get back to beluran, so i called them a few times during the weekend. and my mom was like “abe ado masalah ko..?” after receiving a few continuous calls from me. sape yang tak pelik, tak pernah2 aku buat macam tu.. hahaha.. and jus before i hang up, i did ask my mom to pray for my safety and success. i did ask her to pray that i will be a better muslim too…

arghh writing this entry makes me feel homesick again. i better stop! daaa… ~

of holiday and kenduri….

since i was a small kid, school holiday is always the time for people to get married. and up until now, the trend is still unchanged and im sure it will not be changing soon. but previously, i just went to some relatives’ weddings, but now, im attending my friends’. the same age as me, but already married or getting married. not that i envy them really. but it’s something that i find rather interesting and amusing at the same time. how come they wanna get married so soon, when im still struggling to stabilise my own life. haha.. still a bit too unstable to actually share the life with someone else. lol.

neway. here i would like to congratulate a few friends of mine who got married during the school holiday. im sorry for not being able to attend your wedding as i was really tide up by time. too many things/events to do at a very limited of time. really couldnt manage my time well. thus i cudnt not attend your weddings altho i did receive ur invitations. it is something that i regret, and im truly sorry.

so, to dearest;

Soya and Najeeb – Selamat Pengantin Baru. Hope u will be able to share ur lifetime together forever without much disturbance. Remember, marriage is not always a smooth sailing journey. there’ll be time when thunders and hurricanes strike. but if u believe that ur love towards each other is true, then u r strong enuff to face all those. gud luck in that. and have fun having a long honeymoon in Pulau Tioman. damn. im jealous now. hahaha

Hafiz and Asmah – ooo man, i can believe tht u guys are already married. and now boleh la korang menaiki kereta bersama coz u r legally married. hahah congratz to both of u. again, im very sorry that i cudnt attend ur wedding. the date was too close to my sis’ wedding. neway im sure gonna meet u guys here in kota kinabalu soon. not sure. maybe next week. together with a few others kot. ape2 pon, congratz again. jaga asmah elok2. and asmah, jaga hafiz elok2… u made it thru the tests all these while. 6 years being together as a couple is really an achievement. what makes it more special is that it ends with a marriage. you guys rock!! moga cepat2 dapat baby. bha, kalau ko dh kawin sama org saba, ko duduk sia sini, jangan pindah2 bha. hahaha

so far, no more invitation received. but im sure, there’ll be more soon. dont forget to send me invitation ok. next time, i’ll try to plan my time so that i can go to your weddings.

and last but not least, dont ask when im getting married, because i, myself, not sure when.. hahaha.. been harrased a lot by my uncles and aunts during my sis’ wedding. nosy people. lol

hayaku hayaku!!

wah.. minggu ni macam laju je aku menghapdet blog aku. not so much of thoughts put in these few entries, but more of some light materials that i think rather interesting to share with. especially to those who dont have much to do in their daily lives. so these few entries might give u some ideas of things that you can do. well, i came across a typing test through this one bloke’s blog, Naim Husni Latif. me being me, quite competitive in nature decided to test my typing speed. i’ve tested myself in 2 languages, namely English and Bahasa. so the results are as below:

 

English

57 wordsClick here to test yourself…

 

 

 

Bahasa Malaysia

65 perkataan

Tekan sini kalau nk cuba…  

 

 

 

So i’ve tested myself. Would not consider myself as a speedy typer, but more of above average. I’d still look on the keyboard once in awhile when typing depending on the keyboards really. If im typing using the keyboard that im used to, then the frequency of me looking at it wud be lower and vice versa..

 

anyway, kalau takde kerja nk buat.. sila la test urself..  it shud be fun!!

 

So you think you can type..??

 

again and again…

i’ve been tagged again. and this time around, my very own creative bloke, Kouda tagged me! it’s been awhile really. since 23^rd april, but only last nite did i find out about it. sorry dude. it shows how long i havent been to your blog. ampun! been busy kot. haha alasannnn… :p neway, this tagging game is kinda cool too. so here’s how to play it;

This is more fun if you haven’t cleaned up your workspace in AGES. XD

1. IMMEDIATELY take a picture of your workspace. DO NOT ADJUST OR MOVE ANYTHING. Where’s the fun in that? Lol.
2. Find at least 5 things on your table that you think needs some explaining. (Like an object that isn’t supposed to be there).
3. Explain those items.
4. Tag your friends, or whoever that you feel has nothing better to do. Lol. Especially tag those who haven’t updated their blog in ages. Bagi inisiatif la konon ni. XD.

1.
IMMEDIATELY take a picture of your workspace. DO NOT ADJUST OR MOVE ANYTHING. Where’s the fun in that? Lol.

Honestly i didnt adjust anything. u can see how messy my workplace is.. haaha too lazy to organise it. :p

 

2.
Find at least 5 things on your table that you think needs some explaining. (Like an object that isn’t supposed to be there).

ok. the 5 items are as circled. there’s not much to be explained really, but i’ll try.

 

3. Explain those items.

1. the “I LOVE SABAH” keychain. It’s from Abg Fares, thx!  Given to me early last year. I still keep it. Dia macam tau2 tht i wud get posted to Sabah kannn..? but just like what’s written on it, i do really love Sabah.

2. Chinese Cinderella story book written by Adeline Yen Mah. One of my favourites. Bought it when i was still studying in the UK for one of the modules taken over there. Fall in love with it since the first time I read it. I’ve read this book for more than 20 times, and im sure i’ll read it again soon. haha it seems like i just cant stop reading it eventhough i might have remember every line of the book. :p

3. Digital Camera magazine. Hehe.. well, it just one of the magazines that i have there at my workplace. there’s plenty more actually. Well, if the internet fails me, then i wud read them. As you know, magazines here in Sabah is more expensive compared to the ones in Semenanjung. Even so, i still buy some everytime i go out. 

4. This picture of Dato’ Hishamuddin. Is he my idol that i still keep it eventhough he’s no longer the education minister..? nottt.. lol. it so happen that the picture used to be hung on the wall at my workplace. so once the new cabinet announced, the picture was taken down and i got no where to put it. so i just put it there at my workplace.  whatever it is, i like this guy. he’s pretty clean minister really. met him a few times when i was in IPBA and at the Nottingham Uni. Mesra and pretty much down to earth. U go, baiiii!!

 

5. Last but not least, my personal board. a place where i stick my timetable and notes and all the pictures of the ones that i love the most. everytime i feel down or i miss someone, i wud stare at the board and i wud get better after awhile. this personal board isnt really personal. it seems like the students love to look at them too. “cikgu, itu anak kamu kah?” haha “kacak keretamu”, “kau org putih kaa?”.. :p too many funny questions, statements and remarks from them that make me laugh and smile everytime i think about it.

4. Tag your friends, or whoever that you feel has nothing better to do. Lol. Especially tag those who haven’t updated their blog in ages. Bagi inisiatif la konon ni. XD.

 

So, here.. Im tagging;

1. Musica Hikaru (last time mintak aku tag, so here u go)
2. Soya (she’s very creative.. i wanna see her workplace)
3. Najibu (i dont think he’d do this, but wth..)

 

p/s: dont play a game with my heart, my heart! :p

.. london bridge is falling down..

well last nite, one of my lecturers when i was in the matriculation college (she’s teaching in uitm penang now) contacted me about an offer given to graduate like i am to work part time in uitm and at the same time doing my masters. i think, it is a good offer. once i get into the system, it’s really easy for me to be in the system forever. but since im bonded with the government, it’s really hard for me to step out of it just like that.

and i’ve been thinking about this since last nite. and i even had a horrible nightmare last nite thinking about what to happen if i take the offer. and it scares me to death thinking about it.

 

1. i wish im not bonded.

2. but i am, apparently.

3. bonded to a 3–4 year contract.

4. and 3–4 year, what does it mean..?

5. who get to decide the duration..?

6. and what if i take the offer?

7. ethically, im being selfish..

8. i’ve used people’s money for my education, yet im escaping myself from serving them back.

9. but i’ll be serving people too.

10. being an educator in a higher learning institution.

11. at the end of the day, im still serving our people, rite??

12. so does it wrong ethically to bridge that contract??

 

i dont know. i dont know. seriously have no idea what to do. i got a few options really.

1. just stick to current position without much fuzz. get absorbed by the system and become like the others. become lose hope with the system, but feel complacent with the situation. well, another lazy ass in the makin.

2. take the offer. bridge the contract.and be happy with it… despite the fact that i have to bear all the consequences that will fall unto me as soon as i decide to take on the offer. get into another system, and put my finger crossed that the system suits me better.

 

but it’s not easy to decide. will i survive the thunders and hurricanes that may come along the way..? and i’ve asked a few people about this, and mostly said that im being ungrateful and i dont think far enuff. for god sake, i just merely asking for opinions so that i cud have broader perspectives of the issue. not that as if i’ve already decided to take on the offer and leave the school today! daaaa… there’s no need to make personal judgement and attack towards me, okeyh coz i dont really need that. and, there’s no need to compare between me or my batch and people in your cohort, for god sake. like “bukan nk katalaa, i rasa batch cohort1 lagi pk panjang”. it’s really unnecessary. it pretty much subjective and when we are comparing with too many people in one comparison, we tend to overgeneralise it. and that’s y i dont think it’s really necessary to voice that kind of remark. it doesnt help much with the issue really. to those i’ve  quoted, jgn amik ati. no heart feelings okie. merely expressing my thought. i know u wont makan hati. kita kan gengobabes, that’s y i love u much.. haha

 

but,

the most important question that i have to ask myself, “is that what i really want?”..  im still looking for the answer.

well as for now, im just gonna put it aside as another option that i wud opt to when it’s possible.

 

p/s: no proof reading has been made to this entry. expect some grammatical errors (either alarmining or mild ones) :p

…taggu desu!

wah… dh lame tak main tag2 nie.. and thanks kepada si Ken sbb sudi tag aku. sudi ke..? or sbb saje nk kenakan aku ek..? hahaha… so nah buat kamu.. harap puas hati!

WALLPAPER SCREEN!!
*****************************
So, what u have to do are:

1) “Printscreen” your current desktop/laptop wallpaper! no editing… not cool!
2) Give reason(s) or explain..
3) and dont forget to tag 5 peeps.. at least!

Gud Luck
******************************

 

1.

 

2.
Baru je tukar wallpaper tu actually. before this gambar ngn minah2 jepun time international nite time study dolu2. pastu semalam, while printing test paper untuk students, tetibe rindu kat kete baru aku lak lagipon dh lama tak tuka wallpaper baru. so, aku edit la the only pic of my car dalam simpanan aku. pastu jadik la wallpaper nih. and what i like about the wallpaper is that, die nampak cool dr dekat maopon jauh.. tak sakit mata la pendek kata. plus, sah2 la ilang rindu aku kat kete aku tuhhh.. and usually aku mmg akan letak aku nye blog add kat each wallpaper yg aku buat. so this one pon tak ketinggalan. just aku nye style kot. takde niat nk promote blog sendirik pon..

3.
Kalau boleh aku takmo la tag sesape, sbb aku pon tatau sape yg suka buat tag n sape yg tak suka. kang kalau aku tag, dorg takmo buat plak.. tp for the sake of meeting the criteria, so aku dengan berbesar hatinya meng ‘tag’:

Jessica
Idzrul Aizat
Soya
Izzy
Kimimaro yg nk kawen

and sesape je la yg terasa macam nk buat ni!

 

p/s: takde niat nak show off kete ke ape.. kebetulan plak!

… and owh i forgot

i forgot to tell u, my readers, that i have a new family member. im sure those on facebook might know about this. but no harm telling others who dont know rite..? hahaha.. well, im too proud of it just to keep it to myself. so now im sharing with u. my pride and joy, SAA2397X.

 

hehe.. been interested in this car since the first time i saw it in my college compound late last year. and at that time i was driving my loyal Kelisa. being a student, i couldnt really afford it. so i just put it in the list of cars i wanna buy once i start working. since im working now, so i thot, why not?! thus, i made my booking 3 weeks ago and got the car last week. didnt have to wait for long really…

at first i was at a crossroad. either taking myvi or vios. since i could afford both, so it was very hard to make a decision. but after taking a few days to consider everything, i made up my mind to take myvi instead of vios. y?

1. i prefer driving compact car. maybe because im used to driving my kelisa.

2. price – it is slightly cheaper. well it isnt that cheap as i took the SE full spec. plus with shorter loan duration, monthly is pretty costly, but still, it’s cheaper compared to vios.

3. spare parts – heard that vios’ spare parts are pretty expensive. haha not that im a cheapskate looking for cheap stuff, but why pay more?!

4. status – im single with no children.. i dont need big cars. and im living in a jungle. sayang mau bawak masuk vios.

5. appearance – i like the look of myvi more. sporty! and striking of course.

6. and a few other details…

i dont know whether im lucky or what, but it seems like the road condition going to my school is getting better by days. roads are being repaired at the moment. so i guess, it shud be easier to get in now, compared to the first i got here. thank God!

so yeah, that’s my ride. what about u..?

 

 

… dont fall just yet

hmm exactly 2 weeks since the last time i’ve updated my blog. well, i got a few entries i wrote half-way and then stopped just because i was lost in metacogniting process. I hate when that happened. I got a bucket of unfinished entries which i dont know when im going to look at them again and finish them up. good news, internet in school is getting better,and we even have wifi now (using a router and school’s internet). therefore, i dont have to go down to the scary computer lab at nite anymore.. yeahoo!

and these 2 weeks, i’ve been thinking about someone so much. someone that, until this point of time, i couldnt define my feelings towards this person. like, love or just lust! but if it’s just another lusty crush, it shud have faded away since it’s been going on for a long time now. my feeling is getting stronger by day. i cud feel that it’s filling all the empty spaces in me, bit by bit. sometimes it makes me smile, frown, anxious, excited and the list continues. im pretty sure that im falling for someone again.

but deep down inside me, im afraid to think of that. to think that im loving someone. to think that i need to be committed again. to think that somehow i have to change myself to the better. not that i dont want to, but it just that im quite pleased with the way im leading my life at the moment.

or is it that im afraid of being cheated and left again?

well i cant deny that love makes us feel complete, if it is successful or when it’s still sizzling hot. but what if it doesnt go the way we want it at the end of the day? i know the feelings of falling in and out of love. and im pretty sure, being out of love after sacrificed everything is one of the most haunting nightmares ever in my life. yea, i guess im afraid of that. afraid of being chased and haunted by the kind of nightmare created by me. it can make me pee on the bed, u know?.

falling out of love is like being left alone in a dark place where u cant see anything but the darkness. and what makes it worst is that u cud hear all the eerie and spooky sounds within the darkness. there’s no one to turn to. absolutely nothing, but u and the darkness. even so, u cant hide yourself or u cant just put your hands on ur face pretending that it never happens, and wait for the ray of sunshine to guide u back to where you belong. it’s not as easy as that. it takes lot of our resources to be back normal.

but i do want to love someone and be loved back by that someone. perhaps, for the moment, i should try to define the feelings im having now. and i should give myself some time to think over this matter. and try to plan out something to actually settle this. i dont want to make a quick decision, which can make me regret it later. so, i guess the best thing to do is to wait and let the time to decide.

so, mien. dont fall just yet, ok.

au revoir!

p/s: i think i might be too open in this entry. haha dont call me jiwang or emo or whatoever ok!

… talented

Congratz again to my fav film director, Yasmin Ahmad for her another masterpiece that i’ve enjoyed watching. Talentime is a brilliant movie, i wud say, for being able to brilliantly potray the reality of people in Malaysia. It such a beautiful piece enveloping around a few themes like love, death, sufferings, racism, judmentalism, friendship and familyhood. altho some people might not like this movie as it is being too honest in potraying the reality of people in malaysia, but i find it very enlightening. kudos to Yasmin Ahmad for giving her piece of mind about those issues in a very suttle sarcastic way, as i have expected.

the hall was pretty empty when i watched it today. there were only 6 of us in there enjoying the movie. i dont know y, but im sure those who are not watching it, are missing something that they shud have treasured. on the back of it, i was able to enjoy the movie without much disturbance. in fact, there wasnt any disturbance at all. :P

im telling u, if u r planning to watch the movie, u shud prepare urself with a pack of tissue or two. u definitely gonna need it! being me, im not shy to cry in the cinema. watching this movie, i cried not just once but quite a few times actually. again, salute to the director. she managed to make me smile and laugh out loud at the very beginning of the movie, but it didnt last very long really. the more u r indulged in it, u can feel the emotions that the characters are feeling. u’ll feel as if u r a character in it, yourself! the romantic moments, make u feel like u r in love and when it comes to touching moments, your heart will definitely move. in the cinema, i wasnt the only one crying, but most of them were. i could hear people sobbing and see people wiping their tears away.

altho, u can see similar faces like harith iskandar, ida nerina, adibah noor etc etc in this movie. but this time around, their characters are totally in the opposite of the characters they used to act in previous movies like sepet and gubra. *thank god* at least i didnt feel as if im watching sepet or gubra, but Talentime. and the new faces too, managed to play their roles quite successfully. Mahesh, for example, altho he didnt utter a word in the movie, but he was able to play the character very well with the facial expressions, body languages and everything else he got. another example, the granny, everytime she says something with her yorkshire accent, i was almost rolling on the floor laughing!!! :p

and i love all the soundtracks in the movie. can someone find me those songs and send it to me please! the song that Melur sang, the Indian song ara priyaaa.. and the song that hafiz sang for his mother during the talentime nite were my favourite. i didnt manage to look for the titles, but if anyone happen to have those songs, please contact me!

so guys… those who like Yasmin Ahmad’s movies, u shud go and watch this one as it wont dissapoint u, i can assure u that. and to those who dont really like her masterpieces, there’s no harm trying to watch this movie. perhaps u might like it!

 

“There’s a lot of joy and pain in the movie. But, I’m just trying to show a simple love story between two young hearts and their innocence and sincerity in their relationship,” said Yasmin.

 

p/s: kevinnnnn!