some randomness from this one insatiable mind…

Monthly Archives: June 2006

first day holiday.. nothing much… just enjoying myself in my =
private paradise.. doing nothing but relaxing.. haha.. kinda enjoy this =
kind of lifestyle, which i cud not always have the chance to.. but im =
sure i’ll get bored with this later on.. and when the time comes, im =
sure i know what i’ll do!!

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fuhh… im actually in the most vulnerable condition at this =
particular moment.. it feels like im so weak.. so choked.. i got a paper =
exam in just about 75 minutes.. and i thot i did prepare something for =
it.. but i just dunno whether i will be able to produce everything on to =
that paper.. im just so afraid.. afraid of loosing myself in the middle =
of the exam.. i hate when it comes to exam.. i hate exams.. i hate it so =
much… why do i have to sit for exam..? is it just the matter of =
assessing my progress..? or is it because it is the norm of any =
educational context.. and for me.. i dun think that if u r able to score =
high mark for exam, means that u progress really well.. there is so many =
other factors that might affect the result… and the most important =
aspect of human is their psychology..when ur mind is ready, then u will =
be able to do it.. but what if ur mind not really in a ready mode..? =
then what will happen..? arghhhh.. hate it.. hate it.. hate =
it..

neway.. wish me luck okes.. i really need that!!


You are =
Everything To Somebody

Right now at this very =
minute———–



someone =

is very proud of =
you

someone
is thinking of you =

someone =

cares about you =

someone =

misses you

someone =

wants to talk to =
you

someone =

wants to be with =
you

someone =

hopes you aren’t in =
trouble


someone =

is thankful for the support you have
provided

someone =

wants to hold your hand =


someone =

hopes everything turns out all =
right

someone =

wants you to be =
happy


someone =

wants you to find =
them

someone =

is celebrating your =
successes

someone =

wants to give you a gift =

someone =

think you ARE a gift

someone =

hopes you are not too cold, or too =
hot

someone =

wants to hug you

someone =

loves you

someone =

wants to lavish you with small =
gifts

someone =

admires your =
strength

someone =

is thinking of you and =
smiling

someone =

wants to be your shoulder to cry =
on

someone =

wants to go out with you and have a lot of fun =

someone =

thinks the world of =
you

someone =

wants to protect =
you

someone =

would do anything for =
you

someone =

wants to be forgiven =

someone =

is grateful for your =
forgiveness

someone =

wants to laugh with you about old =
times

someone =

remembers you and wishes you were =
there

someone =

is praising God for =
you

someone =

needs to know that your love is =
unconditional


somebody

values your =
advice

someone =

wants to tell you how much they =
care

someone =

wants to stay up watching old movies with
you

someone =

wants to share their dreams with =
you

someone =

wants to hold you in their arms =

someone =

wants YOU to hold them in your =
arms

someone =

treasures your =
spirit

someone =

wishes they could STOP time because of
you

someone =

praises God for your friendship and =
lov
e =

someone =

can’t wait to see you =

someone =

wishes that things didn’t have to =
change

someone =

loves you for who you =
are

someone =

loves the way you make them =
feel

someone =

wants to be with you =

someone =

is hoping they can grow old with =
you

someone =

hears a song that reminds them of =
you

someone =

wants you to know they are there for =
you

someone =

is glad that you’re their =
friend

someone =

wants to be your =
friend

someone =

stayed up all night thinking about =
you

someone =

is alive because of =
you

someone =

is remorseful after losing your
friendship =

someone =

is wishing that you would notice them =

someone =

wants to get to know you =
better

someone =

believes that you are their soul =
mate

someone =

wants to be near =
you

someone =

misses your guidance and =
advice


someone =

values your guidance and =
advice


someone =

has faith in you =


someone =

trusts you

someone =

needs you to send them this =
letter

someone =

needs your support

someone =

needs you to have faith in =
them

someone =

needs you to let them be your friend =

someone =

will cry when they read this =



haha… walaupon aku tak berape nk ade mood ari nie.. tp yg aku =
peliknye… aku mampu siapkan seme keje steve… pastu, aku siapkan aku =
nye presentations both science and mathematic.. huhu… aku nye =
grupmates mesti kagum gle ngn aku.. and diorg mesti letih duk bace =
e-mail2 yg aku anto kat dorg ari ni.. malam ni saje aku dh anto 3 e-mail =
kat diorg.. haha… padan la muka korg, dapat grupmate macam aku sgt… =
aku mmg la suke kacau2 org.. especially ble aku rase macam terancam sbb =
presentation date dh dekat.. aku mmg takleh kalau tak siap a week before =
due date.. so.. malam ni aku dh siapkan semenye.. penat gle.. and =
obviously aku still takde semangat macam dolu2 lagi.. tatau nape.. tapi =
it happens.. haha.. ape2 je la mien.. mlm ni aku ngarut sket la.. sbb =
aku dh terlampau penat buat keje yg memerlukan banyak mental resources =
nie.. penat gle.. nk kene cr info.. pastu sort em.. pastu pilih lak tu.. =
pastu nk kene annotate lak.. pastu nk kene pk cmne nk jadikan =
presentation menarik.. pastu nk kene edit lagi.. pastu kene buat =
reference lagi.. penat wooo. tp takpe.. yg penting aku dh siapkan seme =
perkara.. since mende ni aku takkan dapat markah ape2.. so, at least aku =
dh siapkan for my grupmates.. so, in case aku tak datang mase ari =
presentation, diorg dh ade bahan untuk dibentangkan..?? hehe.. jahat tak =
aku.. jom la.. budak2 marjon.. kite ponteng ari presentation tuh.. =
haha.. jom la weh.. k la guyzz.. aku dh penat nie.. nk tido.. ke nk smbg =
buat portfolio lak ek..?? hmm.. let time decides la.. wakaka.. =


when i woke up this morning, i felt so lonely.. at first i =
didnt know why.. but just now, i know the reason behind this kind of =
feeling which i dont want to feel anymore.. not now.. it hurts me so =
much that i cud not stand on my feet.. it hurts me so much that i cud =
not feel my arms… it hurts me so much that i cud not control my eyes =
to let the pure water flows from it.. i was paralyzed this morning.. =
just because of that feeling..

soon after i felt better, i called my mum.. hoping that my =
loneliness will just go away from me.. and she was also lonely back at =
home.. nobody was there but herself, alone.. my father had to go to his =
office.. and my sister was working.. i wish i cud be there, together =
with her.. coz i know how it feels to be so lonely.. luckily she is a =
strong woman.. im proud of her.. she fears nothing.. but me, i fear =
everything.. i m not as strong as her.. then, she got works to do and i =
had to end the phone call.. and as soon as i click ‘end call’ button, =
the lonelines striked me hard on my back..

oo god.. was i missing someone so badly..?? i cudnt figure out =
who, or i might just dont want to figure it out.. i was confused.. i =
cudnt think about anything.. i miss someone a lot, but dunno who.. i was =
thinking too hard, that it makes me so stressed out. i wanted to get the =
answer so badly, but half of me didnt want to. i was lost.. lost in a =
neverending arguments between me, myself an I. It was an inner rage that =
hurts me truly..

then i went on ma bed to have a short nap.. it turned out =
pretty lo to be a quite long nap.. woke at 8pm.. and i was damn too =
tired to do anything.. just stayed there for a while before i decided to =
get off the bed, and get something for me to eat.. to have dinner since =
i missed my lunch..

now, i know the answer to my loneliness.. it was because.. =
because of one thing that made me suffer last sunday.. and it has been a =
week since it happened.. i’ve been trying too hard to get the person out =
of my life.. it is too complicated to describe the feellings, =
but loosing that person was the answer to my loneliness.. i =
had to change my weekend routine in so many ways. if before, i wud spend =
a few hours on the phone talking to that person.. laughing.. telling =
jokes.. but now, i dun have any idea about the things that i shud do to =
replace those routines.. and it makes me really really sick.. sick of =
being me.. sick of being alive.. why do u have to go away..?? why do u =
have to leave me..?? why do you have to leave the world that we always =
dreaming of..?? it seems like the word ‘why’ is becoming infinite.. =

‘why do u have to die..?’ when i really need you.. when i want =
a shoulder to lean and to cry on.. when things sometimes too harsh for =
me..


nape la aku takde mood sangat nk buat keje neh..?? 3 porfolios =
n 2 presentation nk kene disiapkan.. nk kene prepare for exam lagi.. =
iskh… kenape la aku makin malas nie.. iskhh… dah duk ngadap laptop.. =
dh tak ingat ape2 dh. iskh.. pastu nmpk je katil.. terus terkam.. dh tak =
ingat benda lain dh.. please.. anyone.. help me.. aku nk kene siapkan =
seme bende tu by this weekend.. then br leh rase legaa sket.. sbb after =
seme tu siap.. aku leh rilek.. and leh cuti sepuas2nya..


last nite, i went to watch Saturday NIght Fever in Theater =
Royal, Plymouth… the show was amazing in every aspects.. my eyes were =
locked to the stage as the show took place… if i cud, i will not blink =
at all..coz i dun want to miss every single details of the show… the =
actors n actresses were superb!! full of emotions… and they were =
lively.. and since this is musical theater, therefore most of the time =
they sang songs and dance… and everything was so perfect… the =
lighting complements the songs and the dances, and oso the =
backgrounds… the songs complements the story line.. the dances =
complements the songs.. everything seems to be complementing each =
other.. and it was really really really amazing… and i dun mind paying =
for the tickets in the future if i have the chance to watch other great =
shows.. too bad any recording devices were not allowed to be used during =
the show.. therefore, not much pictures taken last nite… anyway.. i =
enjoyed myself…