.. london bridge is falling down..

well last nite, one of my lecturers when i was in the matriculation college (she’s teaching in uitm penang now) contacted me about an offer given to graduate like i am to work part time in uitm and at the same time doing my masters. i think, it is a good offer. once i get into the system, it’s really easy for me to be in the system forever. but since im bonded with the government, it’s really hard for me to step out of it just like that.

and i’ve been thinking about this since last nite. and i even had a horrible nightmare last nite thinking about what to happen if i take the offer. and it scares me to death thinking about it.

 

1. i wish im not bonded.

2. but i am, apparently.

3. bonded to a 3–4 year contract.

4. and 3–4 year, what does it mean..?

5. who get to decide the duration..?

6. and what if i take the offer?

7. ethically, im being selfish..

8. i’ve used people’s money for my education, yet im escaping myself from serving them back.

9. but i’ll be serving people too.

10. being an educator in a higher learning institution.

11. at the end of the day, im still serving our people, rite??

12. so does it wrong ethically to bridge that contract??

 

i dont know. i dont know. seriously have no idea what to do. i got a few options really.

1. just stick to current position without much fuzz. get absorbed by the system and become like the others. become lose hope with the system, but feel complacent with the situation. well, another lazy ass in the makin.

2. take the offer. bridge the contract.and be happy with it… despite the fact that i have to bear all the consequences that will fall unto me as soon as i decide to take on the offer. get into another system, and put my finger crossed that the system suits me better.

 

but it’s not easy to decide. will i survive the thunders and hurricanes that may come along the way..? and i’ve asked a few people about this, and mostly said that im being ungrateful and i dont think far enuff. for god sake, i just merely asking for opinions so that i cud have broader perspectives of the issue. not that as if i’ve already decided to take on the offer and leave the school today! daaaa… there’s no need to make personal judgement and attack towards me, okeyh coz i dont really need that. and, there’s no need to compare between me or my batch and people in your cohort, for god sake. like “bukan nk katalaa, i rasa batch cohort1 lagi pk panjang”. it’s really unnecessary. it pretty much subjective and when we are comparing with too many people in one comparison, we tend to overgeneralise it. and that’s y i dont think it’s really necessary to voice that kind of remark. it doesnt help much with the issue really. to those i’ve  quoted, jgn amik ati. no heart feelings okie. merely expressing my thought. i know u wont makan hati. kita kan gengobabes, that’s y i love u much.. haha

 

but,

the most important question that i have to ask myself, “is that what i really want?”..  im still looking for the answer.

well as for now, im just gonna put it aside as another option that i wud opt to when it’s possible.

 

p/s: no proof reading has been made to this entry. expect some grammatical errors (either alarmining or mild ones) :p